If you are not exactly a people person, you may find it hard to remain positive or comfortable in a situation in which you interact with others around you. Here’s what to do about it so that you can remain positive and win people over at the same time. Think in compliments.

Practice

Think in complements. Take a single day out of your week and make it a point to yourself that you will find some genuine compliment to give every person you come in contact with or see/hear for that day.

Find a different one for every person so as to keep it genuine and keep your mind searching.

Make sure you look for a compliment first thing, this is important. Doing this not only raises your mood by focusing on the positives but creates the habit of looking for the positives in all people as well. This is the main point. We want to minimize your fears of people by reprogramming your habits, we can do this by making a conscious effort to focus on what is good about the people you meet. Doing so gives you a grip on the present situation, helps you feel positive, and will likely benefit the mental states in others as well.

Not to mention, this means you are more likely to give genuine compliments to those around you (which makes you happier by aiding others), meaning they will start seeing you as a more positive and outgoing person, which is absolutely NEVER a bad thing.

I’ve seen introverts converted into extraverts and change their lives by living this philosophy. It has worked for everyone I’ve told this too, and it will work for you also.

Buyer Beware

There is however an important distinction between a genuine compliment and what I call the Covert Compliment. Here’s the distinction that will help you focus on genuine compliments.

The covert compliment comes from someone who either wants or expects something to occur as a result of their compliment.

Genuine compliments are genuine because there is no hidden motive. Genuine compliments feel more sincere, more thoughtful, and simply better than covert compliments.

Example: Which feels more thoughtful to you? “Your eyes are pretty!” or “The little green speckles in your eyes really light up in the sun!”

The second one obviously has more thought and genuine attitude simply because it requires the attention to detail most people don’t give when explaining why someone’s’ eyes are pretty.

People who are focused on getting what they want (which is often different than what they are saying) miss the details due to the lack of focus on the subject of their speech. Their true focus is on their own hidden motives.

Focus on giving genuine compliments that are devoid of expectation to the people in your life and watch your life (and the people around you) transform through your efforts.

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-Austin Denison